The usual ruminations from an ordinary but unique human. And whatever else I happen to throw in.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Appreciate
December 14 – Appreciate What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it? (Author: Victoria Klein)
Haha! Umeboshi plums. These little suckers are life savers when I'm stricken with an attack of gastric reflux. When my esophagus starts throbbing--which thankfully doesn't happen often anymore, since I'm following a macrobiotic diet most of the time--I head for the refrigerator and reach for those beautiful, orange, pickled plums. Just a pinch is all it takes, usually, and soon the acid calms down and my esophagus is safe. And if I'm not at home, I use those tiny little Umeboshi Plum Balls in the pocket dispenser. Thanks to my friend Ginger for giving me a box of those.
This year I'm singing the praises of Umeboshi plums. Maybe I'll write an ode...
Monday, December 13, 2010
Action
December 13 – Action. When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step? (Author: Scott Belsky)
Well, my first step (sorry, Scott) is to step aside for awhile. I've been on a fast track for the past four years, and have been doing some things because I had to, then when I no longer had to, I kept doing them, because. Because? So I'm stopping for a few months. Spending time reassessing. Sitting down and watching the river flow beneath the bridge. Maybe a game or three of Poohsticks. Some serious writing time for sure. Though it doesn't look like much action is involved, there really is. It's just evolving. Slowly. But first I need to go look at the moon. Have you seen it tonight?
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Body Integration
December 12 – Body Integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds)
You know that moment, just before waking fully, when you're in the doorway between dream and awake? It's that space in which I'm aware of body and spirit, but mind hasn't taken over yet. Those few times when I've been able to linger there, I've felt fully alive and present. Waking up to an alarm clock causes the door to slam shut. I like to awaken slowly, when I can, feel my body against the mattress, and watch the sunlight slip in through the closed blinds and paint the ceiling. My mind is free of judgment. Everything just is. The moment doesn't last long--ego is all too ready to take over and get the day rolling. I enjoy it when I can.
I did it!
Establishing a new habit takes how long? 21 days? Once I get past day 31 and start using my own prompts or begin gathering them from new sources, I'd like to keep up the daily, or mostly daily, postings. I've been inspired by my friend Marushka, who took a blog challenge several months ago and has kept it up almost daily ever since.
One of the issues I deal with--and I'm sure I'm not alone in this--is public versus private. Do I really want to air my private thoughts in front of a bunch of faceless strangers? When I write my Morning Pages (as in, Julia Cameron), I let my thoughts flow without restriction. I'm used to writing a bunch of whatever in order to get to something, so I have a hard time editing myself from the start, and that's what posting to my blog feels like. I've spent most of my life editing myself in various ways, so it's probably time to let it go. I mean, really, who cares? And people, faceless strangers and all, would probably rather read genuine rambles rather than edited junk. (See? I just edited myself again.)
The other night I was struck once again by what Francesca says in the letter to her children in the movie The Bridges of Madison County: "It's hard to write this to my own children. I could let this die with the rest of me, I suppose. But as one gets older, one's fears subside. What becomes more and more important is to be known--known for all that you were during this brief stay. How sad it seems to me to leave this earth without those you love the most ever really knowing who you were." Not that my family will ever read my blog or my journals. They'll probably pitch them out with the long underwear. But, I do want to be known to someone. I think we all do. And when we reveal even a hint of our deeper thoughts, others are reassured that they're "not the only ones" who think that way. Or they're challenged by my thoughts. Don't we all need to be challenged on occasion? I know I do.
Another reason/excuse I've had for not posting very often in the past is that I'm usually "written out" by the time I sit down at the computer. I try to do 3 Morning Pages every day and at bedtime I write in a mini journal, where my goal is to sum up the day in a minimum of 3 words. I may skip the longer writing, but I never skip the mini journal. I'm amazed to see how those 3 words have captured the year when I reread all 365 entries at once.
Okay, enough rambling. Time--no, past time--for the Morning Pages. Should have done them first, but, well, you wouldn't be reading this if I had.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Things
Reverb's Prompt-a-Day Blog Challenge
December 11 – Things. What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)
1. Undervaluing myself. I am worthy, talented, and creative.
2. Heartburn. I am so over it. (I wish.)
3. More stuff. I'm ready to do some major pitching. Nix on more storage bins.
4. Procrastination. It's time to check some major things off my To Do list. As soon as I can find it. First thing I'm going to do: the Living Will.
5. That bin on the closet floor with the old towels in it. And I was saving them for what?
6. The weeds in the St. Francis garden (so named because of the generic statue). Time to reclaim that beautiful, shady space.
7. The rest of the daylilies. Why get rid of them, you ask? Because the deer eat the buds before they bloom anyway. Might as well let someone else enjoy them.
8. Small thinking. I want to make wide brushstrokes in my life this year.
9. Waiting for Godot. I've wasted way too much time over the years waiting on someone else to make a move, or for something to happen. Next year, I'm taking charge, every chance I get.
10. Dust. I will banish it on a regular basis, and give up wishing it won't come back.
11. Indecision. Another form of procrastination. I'm going to quit wasting time studying a decision from 45 different angles before tossing a coin. If I make a less-than-perfect decision, I'll look at it as a learning opportunity.
Wow, look at me. I came up with 11 things and put them down without spending too much time trying to come up with "the perfect list." See, I'm getting there. But I'm sure glad next year isn't 2050...
Friday, December 10, 2010
Wisdom
December 10 – Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)
What is wisdom? Merriam-Webster's online dictionary defines it as:
b : ability to discern inner qualities and relationships : insight
c : good sense : judgment
I think the synonyms sum it up pretty well: wisdom is judgment (of a course of action) based on knowledge and insight. I've made a lot of decisions this way in the last twelve months, many of them important, so it's hard to choose just one.
The first big one was to stop. In order to start healing my esophagus and digestive system, I stopped thinking that I could eat and drink whatever I wanted and keep my health. I quit listening to the big food industries and started paying attention to my body. Slowly but surely, it's healing. I'm eating a mostly vegan/macrobiotic diet and adjusting to life without wine, cheese and tomatoes. Oh, and chocolate. Sigh!
The second major wise decision was to give up. I gave up the notion that I need to have a physical office space in order to be a professional. I quit renting the space I'd had for four years as of July 1. The amazing thing is, the second I voiced the idea that I might do this, I had two offers of free space in which to hold my writing groups. Without the pressure of meeting the monthly rent, I began to feel the seeds of creativity breaking open. Stay tuned.
The third flash of wisdom was to hibernate. After five years of facilitating two writing groups on a weekly basis, I'm taking several months off. Hiding out. Resting. Aging in a vat of creative juices. Hopefully, at the end of this process, I'll say it was a very good year, and a wise decision.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Party (or as Ed Stivender would say, "Party, Party, Party")
December 9 – Party Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)
Today I attended a party like no other: the annual Christmas gathering of the Women Who Write Loudly, a group of women who have been writing together weekly for more than six years. There were nine of us. The food was simple and delicious, the mimosas sweet. We wore whatever we were in the mood to wear. No one tried to outshine anyone else. As we talked and noshed, everyone listened and was heard. There was no mindless chatter, like you hear at many social events. Most talk was about changing life situations, and touched on the spiritual. We laughed. We cried.
A group member who hadn't been around in a while was there, and it felt as though she had never been gone. This is a group like no other. Not because of special chemistry, although that is definitely a factor, but because of deep commitment and honesty. The Women Who Write Loudly won't be gathering weekly like we have in the past, but whenever we gather in the future, we'll be just like we were before, only more so. I feel privileged to be a member of this group, and honored to have led it for four of the six years. Thank you, WWWL. You rock!